Breathing From Under The Rubble. A Gazan Student.

After working so hard for years, the day we had all been counting down to—Monday, September 1, 2025 —was approaching.

“A month left, 3 weeks, a week, a few days…”

Until finally, everyone announced it from the camp under bombs and air drones: “Finally.Tomorrow is Marah’s graduation day with her last final online exam. Tomorrow we will finally all experience happiness that a human being is  meant to feel!”

I didn’t believe it. I was convincing myself that it was real, not a dream.

I took Mum’s phone, my notebook, a pen from my brother, and ran to the least noisy spot I could find to study.

I started cramming amidst extreme mixed emotions.

As I studied, I began enthusiastically preparing myself, and my entire family was there to help.

First, I asked my little sister, Tasneem, to go and get an internet card.

Then I went to ask my nieces, Doa’a and Misk, to charge my sister’s phone on the neighborhood solar energy device so I could take my exam.

After some time, I asked Tasneem if she got a card for me. She sighed, “My family have been looking for the specific coins that the card sellers only accept, but till now they haven’t found any.”.

The market was almost empty,and the war on currency was increasing.

I stood in that yard confused what to do, my body could hardly stand, and my head felt dizzy as we had been being starving for a long time. I dreamed of a chair to sit on.

Suddenly, I heard my sister, Ansam, teaching her daughters, Malak and Tala, in their tent.

Ansam, from the tent, noticed I was confused; she came and asked me about the matter.

I told her about my problem while her daughters were listening. I knew that her daughters enthusiastically had saved some coins to purchase something they liked whenever something became available in the market.

Surprisingly, they ran and came back within 20 seconds saying, “Auntie Marah, we have saved some coins for a long time. These are for you.”

I was over the moon.

Despite their young age, they left me with mature words flavored with pure childhood dreams. “All the best, Auntie Marah. You are lucky to finish your studies, and we hope to be like you soon. Finally ,we won’t see you suffering 17 hours from now! From tomorrow, we will play and run without Mum asking us to be quiet so you can focus.”

Finally, every thing was ready for tomorrow’s exam.

Then, as I had a flu, I decided to resume cramming in the tent.

On my only place in the tent, on the shared mattress with my sisters that we borrowed from our married sister until we get our furniture from our besieged home, I turned on the flashlight and tried to study.

But, unfortunately, I couldn’t focus.

I decided to sleep and set an alarm to wake up after a few hours. While setting the alarm, I fell asleep.

A sleep full of dreams chased by lifelike nightmares.

Chased by a disturbing nightmare, luckily, I woke up at 2:07 am when I noticed the phone had dropped from my hands.

Quickly, I fumbled the phone and opened the flashlight. With many prayers to complete my last exam well, I completed my cramming.

I studied in a very calm situation with no voices around except for the infant who used to wake up every night because of starving.

I crammed and slept quietly again.

A few hours later, Mum and I got up early to start our routine for my last final exam.

I was lucky to have a sandwich Mum kindly prepared for me.

I sat on Dad’s warm mattress to stay focused in cramming.

Mum prepared every thing I needed in the usual nearest spot to the strongest internet signal along with her affectionate prayers.

Then, I excitedly went there and started putting the last touches.

Meanwhile, all my family was busy with their special prayers for me.

At 8:45, I finished every thing and was ready to insert the internet card to do my exam once it opened at 9:00 am, the only time with a reliable internet connection and the least noisy situation in the camp.

About an hour left to announce my “survival!”

I excitedly started inserting the internet card. The image of me without the burden of university, but with my next steps after graduation wouldn’t leave my mind.

But… unexpectedly… the card took a long time and wouldn’t connect.

I stood up and held my hand up to try to get a signal… I started trying other networks, from one spot to another..

But, time was passing and nothing changed.

My heart was painfully crying with heavy burdens upon it,”How many times I have lost golden moments because of a mirage cause. How mirage causes have become the leader of my life for approximately 2 years and still counting. When would my life return to be easy?”

But I tried to be patient, relaxed, positive, and brave. My tongue couldn’t say a word, so I tried praying in my heart without talking.

Finally, it connected, but with a very breaking internet connection not suitable for an exam.

I continued making awaiting and cautious attempts at every network.

It was 9:53 am, and the camp noise was increasing with no semi- reliable internet connection.

My family thought I was doing my exam, so no one came to check the situation so as not to waste my time.

Under a severe headache, I started thinking of going to the tent.

I took a breath and tried to think quietly. “If I go, the internet may come back during this time.” “Forget this network. What about going to the cafe? But this would require much more time, and then I may have a good signal there or not.”

“Could this Monday be changed to another day?”

But, in a few moments, my family’s excitement for this day strongly stood in this tiring idea way. They were waiting on hot coals, so I couldn’t imagining myself breaking their long-awaited happiness. Although I knew they would be proud with any result, whether I graduated at that day or not.

I said silently, “I will do the impossible to take my exam today. I will allow happiness to enter my family today. I will arrange an elegant path for it.”.

I decided to go back to the tent to look for another place with a good signal.

While taking my materials, I checked the phone for the last time.

Shockingly, I noticed the signal near my sister’s tent was good.

I left everything aside and held my hand up again trying to open my university portal.

I could easily open it!

At those critical moments, Mum and Dad came to check the situation.

With a tremulous voice on the verge of crying, I could hardly say,”Until now I couldn’t do my exam. I wish I could now.”

They relaxed me and left me with their affectionate promise, “Don’t worry. We, all, will extend our prayers for you, dearest daughter”.

They advised me to start at that time at that same spot.

I strongly and happily resumed my steps to open my exam page. The internet was becoming better.

Finally, I reached the exam page.

I started jumping and singing. My graduation moment was very close.

Suddenly, I realized that I had started celebrating and forgot about my exam.

With a cautious happiness, I rushed and started doing the exam.
One hand holding the phone, another on my ear and head to stay focused amid noise and to lower the headache.

With every question, I kept praying for the internet not to cut off.

After a few questions, the internet cut off.
I stood frozen and confused with many thoughts in a moment.

“Did I make the wrong choice when I opened the exam?”

“Will what I was afraid of be right at these critical moments? Will these drones above me take me in my last step to be a martyr before I graduate!?”

But, shortly, Dad and Mum’s voice was strongly echoing, “You are the winner by your trials regardless of the result.”.

Meanwhile, I started praying to make my family genuinely happy after this exam.

Thankfully, shortly, the internet came back.

Without much thinking, I started completing the exam very quickly.

Very small space to think of a question, but much more time to pray and think of how to pass every difficulty that might prevent me from completing the exam.

Doing a few questions, the internet cut. Again and again, it became a norm.

With every cut, my heart was boiling and burning. The thing I was able to do: trying and praying.

Prayers. Hopes. Trials. Trials to focus. Quicker and quicker.

At a moment, I noticed that just a few questions were left.

Finally, I did the last two questions!

With heavy and hot tears that couldn’t be stopped, with a hot and excited body, with a highly beating heart, with extremely mixed emotions, I even submitted it!

Every tear fell at that time removed much fatigue, exhaustion, fear, disappointment, burden, and anxiety with it. I felt the atmosphere around was happy with me. The birds, the sky, the palm trees, the cats, even the air.

Finally, A dream announced that it beautifully and stronly survived. Finally, everyone announced it from the camp: “Marah graduated! Finally, happiness visited us.”

This was not the end. This was a primary step of the success stairs!

This is me, Marah Khader Al-Astal, 22 years old, Al-Aqsa University, Gaza, Palestine.

Note: This project is supported by the British Council as part of the SARD programme, which focuses on the role of English and other languages in building resilience. SARD – Stories of Adversity, Resilience and Determination – encourages Palestinians, particularly young people, to share their stories and lived experiences through creative and educational media. The content of this production is solely the responsibility of Resilient Voices and does not necessarily reflect the views of the supporting or partnering institutions.